You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
