Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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