last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
