You're completely useless in the revolution.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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