Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
