Whod you bang
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
