the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The best revenge is premature balding
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
