You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
