it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
