dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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