I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
