So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
