When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
