Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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