Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was not drunk enough for that final.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
