Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
