I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think a kid would responsible me up
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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