my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
