tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
