I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
