My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
