it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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