hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
