that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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