The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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