I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
