I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm at about main and main street
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just had sex on a roof
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
