I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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