3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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