I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize