I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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