We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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