You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Randomize
