We won't sleep together?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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