He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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