Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
