Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
