i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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