he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
