It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
