Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
