Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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