3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
