I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
