if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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