Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My room smells like vodka and shame
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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