Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
