even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
