Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
