you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
