i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
