My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
