So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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