Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
