I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
