my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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