i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
