Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
