Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
