i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
