I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
