Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
