Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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