why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
