Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
