I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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