i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
